Are you considering getting back with your Ex?
Many of us find ourselves in this dilemma after a breakup and question whether we made the correct choice. Have we just escaped a bullet or are we about to make the MOST IMPORTANT MISTAKE OF OUR LIVES? The issue is that too many films and television shows romanticize getting back with an Ex.
You’re so invested in the make-believe romance that you overlook all of the agony, drama, and messes that come with rekindling the flame.
Humans are programmed to seek both bonding and new experiences. As a result, the possibility of getting back with your Ex appeals to you because it checks both of these boxes. Furthermore, the alternative may be even less appealing. Swiping constantly on dating apps, going on bad dates, and meeting bad guys who aren’t even near to what you want.
Getting to know a new person takes a long time. And nothing guarantees that everything will go according to plan. So, your mind begins to wonder whether it doesn’t make more sense to try again with the Ex-rather than starting over? You’ve already spent a lot of time together, so maybe things will work out this time?
Perhaps they will, but maybe they won’t.
According to a survey, 41% of people have reconciled with an Ex at some time in their lives. So, you wouldn’t be alone if you did, but whether or not it works out is another matter entirely.
Before you re-enter a relationship that you voluntarily ended, there are numerous variables to consider.
Is it a good idea to getting back with your Ex?
I’m not going to tell you that this is never a good idea since sometimes all you need is some time and space apart to realize that you want to build a life together.
You must, however, enter this with your eyes wide open.
Why do you want to rekindle your relationship with your Ex?
How did things end up for you, and is your Ex willing to reconcile?
Is it possible to fix what went wrong the first time, and are you both ready to put in the effort to do so?
Have you given yourself enough time to contemplate and figure out whether you’re a good match?
Here are 10 things you must consider BEFORE getting back with your Ex.
1. Do you really want your ex back, or you are just heartbroken?
We’ve all experienced how painful and emotionally draining a breakup can be. It’s natural to feel as though you’re grieving (even if the person hasn’t died) since you’re missing having this person in your life as a consistent rock.
You may experience a rollercoaster of emotions as a result of this.
You may be lonely, unhappy, angry, resentful, lost, and lacking in self-confidence and self-love (if you broke up with him). And when you’re lonely and hurt, and it feels like your world isn’t going to get any brighter, it’s easy to make poor decisions that aren’t good for you in the long run.
So, ask yourself if you truly want him back or if you’re just trying to escape the pain of a breakup. Do you miss him truly, or do you miss having someone with you when you get up and when you go to sleep?
There are several things you may do to help yourself feel better if you’re going through a breakup, including:
• Severing all ties with him
• Allowing yourself to be sad
• Getting rid of anything that makes you think about him
• Taking care of your physical well-being (eating well and exercising daily)
• Hanging out with friends
• Putting effort into YOU
2. Have you given yourself sufficient time and space to make a decision?
It’s understandable that you’ll miss certain aspects of your relationship. Dinners out, Netflix and calm nights in with pizza, and excellent sex with someone you trust and who knows exactly what you want are all good ideas.
Put all of that aside for a while and examine whether you’ve spent enough time apart from your ex to make an informed decision about getting back together.
Allow yourself a week to consider the possibility from the time you first contemplate it. Give yourself another week after that. And after you’re there, give yourself another week. Continue doing so until you’ve reached a safe amount of time (at least two months).
You’ll be able to see your relationship more clearly during this period. It will also provide you with the time and space to consider what you require and whether or not this is the best option for you.
Don’t rush because you’re afraid they’ll go on and date someone else. He’ll still be there when you’re ready to make a decision if you’re both on the same page and want to make it work.
3. What do you want in a relationship?
Right now, the time and space you have to yourself are ideal for some much-needed self-reflection.
Who are you?
How have you changed since you began and ended your relationship with your ex?
What are your current desires in a relationship? Is this different from what you originally desired?
Was there anything significant lacking from your connection the first time around, and can it be fixed this time?
Many issues can be easily fixed if you and your partner are both ready to put in the effort. You can, for example, improve your communication, show greater appreciation for each other, and commit more time to your relationship.
Other issues, such as big goals and ideals, are more difficult to address. For example, one of you may wish to marry while the other does not. Perhaps you wish to accept a job in another country, but your partner is insistent about staying put.
What matters is that you understand what you want and are unwilling to compromise.
This is part of Step #2 of my Little Love Process: Creating Your Love Vision. You’ll be able to attract the appropriate man and avoid incorrect relationships if you take the time to figure out the man and relationship that are suitable for the future you want.
4. What advice would you give her if she were your best friend?
Pretend your best friend is going through something similar right now if you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex.
What advice would you give her if you were in her shoes?
Would you advise her to wait a little longer and see how she feels after she’s no longer in pain? Or would you advise her to dive right in because she has nothing to lose?
The answers to these questions are dependent on the nature of the relationship. You’d be more inclined to remind her of the bad times and encourage her to think about it carefully if you knew they were having a lot of disagreements and you were constantly picking up the pieces. As a result, I encourage you to do the same for yourself.
5. What is your main motive for getting back with your Ex?
I see a lot of ladies thinking about getting back together with an ex because they are afraid of being alone and unmarried again. They would rather be miserable in a couple than miserable on their own, even if the relationship wasn’t healthy or effective.
But what I need you to understand is that if you despise being single so much that you’d rather be with someone who isn’t right for you, there are deeper issues at hand that you need to address before ever considering being in a relationship.
If you let fear control your decisions, you will shrink as a woman a little more each day until you wake up one day and realize you have entirely forgotten who you are. I understand how frightening it is to be alone, especially after such a lengthy relationship. However, this might be a wonderful time to find yourself, try new things, and build a life that you truly enjoy.
So, before you go back to an ex, be honest with yourself about your major motivation. And that’s not a valid reason to do things if it’s based on fear!
6. Make a timeline of your relationship
Women, in my experience, are prone to letting their first impressions of people distort their evaluation of a person’s genuine character. Even if there are a slew of warning signals, you may find yourself clinging to an image of how things should be or used to be rather than how they are.
Creating a timeline is one approach to acquire a more accurate picture of your relationship. Make a list of all the key events, both positive and terrible. Get them all out until you’ve run out of things to say. Read it aloud to yourself once you’ve finished.
Then consider whether or not this man and relationship are truly what you desire. Is your ex really who you believe they are or have you been seeing things through rose-colored glasses all along?
7. Make a list of the benefits and drawbacks of getting back with your Ex.
Right now, you might feel as if you’re being tugged in numerous directions.
Part of you believes you broke up for a reason and that you should put the past behind you and move on. While another part of you thinks, what if we tried again and ended up living happily ever after?
When you’re in this state, making a traditional list of advantages and disadvantages can assist you to gain insight. The act of writing out the benefits and drawbacks of being with and without your ex can help you to a sensible conclusion.
8. Is your Ex making things better or worse in your life?
How do you feel now that your ex is no longer in your life? Is your situation improving or deteriorating?
If your breakup is still fresh and you’re still lonely and missing him in your life, this can be a difficult question to answer. So, recall a time when you were still married.
Were the happy days more numerous than the bad? Were there more pros than negatives in your relationship? Is it true that your ex made you a better or a worse version of yourself?
Every relationship will have its ups and downs, but in general, you should be having good days 90% of the time. And, rather than causing additional tension or frustration, your spouse should surely improve your life. If you’re thinking about getting back with your Ex, be sure he brightened your world while he was there.
9. Are you ready and willing to forgive?
Whatever went wrong in your relationship—lies, infidelity, nasty words, etc.—you must both be willing to forgive and let go of the past. That includes not rehashing old wounds in your next argument and committing to putting the past behind you and starting over.
If you had trust issues in the past, for example, things are unlikely to go smoothly this time unless you’re willing and able to fully trust your spouse. Maybe your boyfriend forgets to text you when he’s late returning home from a night out with the boys, which sends you into a downward cycle of wondering if he’s actually with the guys or if he’s lying to you.
You can wind up blowing out at him when he finally gets home because you’re thinking about his prior blunders.
This isn’t to say you can’t have good arguments; it just means you have to address them in a mature and calm manner rather than trying to gain points. There are some things you won’t be able to forgive, so it all depends on whether you feel ready to go forward.
10. Are you able to correct the mistakes you made the first time around?
Can a broken relationship ever be fixed?
Getting back with your Ex won’t work if you can’t fix the problems that led to the breakup in the first place. You’ll go around in circles if you don’t take this crucial step, and you’ll keep having the same problems until you do.
So, can you figure out what went wrong? And, if so, are you both willing to put in the effort to make it happen? A Touch of Love To put your relationship up for long-term success, step #6 of my process is to set clear boundaries as a couple.
You are the only one who has the ability to make the best decision.
I could give you a lot more advice than what you’ve read here, and you could also talk to all of your friends or hire a dating coach. But, at the end of the day, you know yourself and your ex better than anybody else, and only you can decide whether or not to try again.
But keep in mind that you must be absolutely honest with yourself. If you do decide to rekindle your relationship with him, be sure it’s for the correct reasons.
Are you thinking about getting back with your ex, or have you already done so? Tell me in the comments section below!